I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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