i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
