I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
