dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
