omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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