just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
