How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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