At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
