my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
