I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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