You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
