Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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