you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
