It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
