My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
