Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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