so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
