He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
