rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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