My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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