I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
