Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
