I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
