JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
