he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
