mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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