Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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