Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
