sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
