There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
