yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize