Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
