The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
