Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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