your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
