OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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