If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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