My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
