He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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