Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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