I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So much Jack, so little girl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
