I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
