i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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