My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
