in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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