that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
