everyone is single if you try hard enough
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
