I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
