i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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