And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
