that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want a musical about memes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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