Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
