Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
