I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
two words: eviction party
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
