my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
