You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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