just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
