I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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