Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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