there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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