I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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