oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
