Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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