She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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