is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
