How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
