Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
