cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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